the evil belly
10-04-2002, 13:00
what does your sandwich say about you
Egg Mayonnaise
The independent type. You don't give a fiddlers if you've got egg breath, mayonnaise all over your trousers or a gassy aura; As far as you're concerned, nothing is going to come between you and your sambo.
Ham
The shy guy. You don't want anything too exotic that might alienate you from all the other sandwich eaters. As a result, you stick to something non-offensive like ham. Even vegetarians don't mind ham sandwiches all that much.
Ham and Cheese
Broken into two distinct categories:
A) The geezer. (uses easy singles): "Jaysus, I'm starvin."
and
B) The fusspot. (uses cream cheese): "Jeepers. I asked for brie, not canemberre
Corn Beef
The martyr. You're a bit of a martyr along the lines of Connolly or Pearse. They died for their country while you nearly die every time you've eaten your country's contribution to sandwich fillings.
Salmon
The aristocrat. You could drop crumbs from your sandwich on the floor in Brown Thomas and they wouldn't bat an eyelid. They know that they can't afford to use a customer like you.
Tinned Salmon
The social climber. You really want to be in with the aristocrats with their fresh salmon sandwiches, so you try to keep up with the Jones's and eat tinned salmon sandwiches. Shame on you.
Coleslaw
The health freak. You'd put anything in your sandwich if you thought it was going to make the body beautiful. You eat Special K and avoid crisp sandwiches like the plague. You hang around with the salmon sandwich eater.
Tuna Salad
The perfectionist. Anyone who's ever eaten Tuna Salad Sandwiches will tell you that there's a certain mixture of the tuna, sweetcorn and mayonnaise which is just right; Not too dry and not too much mayonnaise. You achieve that mixture every time.
Crisp
The comedian. When people hear a loud crunch coming from your sandwich fillings and tayto cheese and onion going all over the floor, they know that they're in the company of an absolute messer. Go on you good thing.
Chicken
The bore. Jeeze. At least whoever has the ham is just a little shy. What the hell is up your nose? A pale, almost colourless sandwich, which save from the bread is almost tasteless. Thinks the person eating crisp sandwiches is very brash and keeps different sandwich eating circles.
Jam
The wildlife spotter. You eat jam on everything don't you? It's the only thing that stays fresh for eleven days and nights while you're in a shed somewhere with your camera. No harm to anyone and yet everyone is scared shitless of you. Even the geezer with the ham and cheese.
Coleslaw
The easy-going type. Ah, who cares if it tastes like papier maché, at least it fills a void in my gut. That's your attitude. And it's good for you right? Ah who cares, at least it fills a void in my gut.
Lettuce
You've got to be a vegetarian. Otherwise, what are you doing with some kind of strange plant on your sandwich? More colourful than than the chicken, but less tasty than paper. Bless your perseverence.
Tomato Ketchup
The lunatic. You're likely to be blinking incessantly if you eat this sandwich. When you meet people who are eating tomato ketchup sandwiches, smile and agree with everything they say. They're probably armed, so ring the guards as soon as possible.
Peanut Butter
The 20 year old going on 11. You're the perennial child. You're the most likely of all the above to cut off the crusts (apart from Mr. Tomato Ketchup, who does it with his chainsaw).
Egg Mayonnaise
The independent type. You don't give a fiddlers if you've got egg breath, mayonnaise all over your trousers or a gassy aura; As far as you're concerned, nothing is going to come between you and your sambo.
Ham
The shy guy. You don't want anything too exotic that might alienate you from all the other sandwich eaters. As a result, you stick to something non-offensive like ham. Even vegetarians don't mind ham sandwiches all that much.
Ham and Cheese
Broken into two distinct categories:
A) The geezer. (uses easy singles): "Jaysus, I'm starvin."
and
B) The fusspot. (uses cream cheese): "Jeepers. I asked for brie, not canemberre
Corn Beef
The martyr. You're a bit of a martyr along the lines of Connolly or Pearse. They died for their country while you nearly die every time you've eaten your country's contribution to sandwich fillings.
Salmon
The aristocrat. You could drop crumbs from your sandwich on the floor in Brown Thomas and they wouldn't bat an eyelid. They know that they can't afford to use a customer like you.
Tinned Salmon
The social climber. You really want to be in with the aristocrats with their fresh salmon sandwiches, so you try to keep up with the Jones's and eat tinned salmon sandwiches. Shame on you.
Coleslaw
The health freak. You'd put anything in your sandwich if you thought it was going to make the body beautiful. You eat Special K and avoid crisp sandwiches like the plague. You hang around with the salmon sandwich eater.
Tuna Salad
The perfectionist. Anyone who's ever eaten Tuna Salad Sandwiches will tell you that there's a certain mixture of the tuna, sweetcorn and mayonnaise which is just right; Not too dry and not too much mayonnaise. You achieve that mixture every time.
Crisp
The comedian. When people hear a loud crunch coming from your sandwich fillings and tayto cheese and onion going all over the floor, they know that they're in the company of an absolute messer. Go on you good thing.
Chicken
The bore. Jeeze. At least whoever has the ham is just a little shy. What the hell is up your nose? A pale, almost colourless sandwich, which save from the bread is almost tasteless. Thinks the person eating crisp sandwiches is very brash and keeps different sandwich eating circles.
Jam
The wildlife spotter. You eat jam on everything don't you? It's the only thing that stays fresh for eleven days and nights while you're in a shed somewhere with your camera. No harm to anyone and yet everyone is scared shitless of you. Even the geezer with the ham and cheese.
Coleslaw
The easy-going type. Ah, who cares if it tastes like papier maché, at least it fills a void in my gut. That's your attitude. And it's good for you right? Ah who cares, at least it fills a void in my gut.
Lettuce
You've got to be a vegetarian. Otherwise, what are you doing with some kind of strange plant on your sandwich? More colourful than than the chicken, but less tasty than paper. Bless your perseverence.
Tomato Ketchup
The lunatic. You're likely to be blinking incessantly if you eat this sandwich. When you meet people who are eating tomato ketchup sandwiches, smile and agree with everything they say. They're probably armed, so ring the guards as soon as possible.
Peanut Butter
The 20 year old going on 11. You're the perennial child. You're the most likely of all the above to cut off the crusts (apart from Mr. Tomato Ketchup, who does it with his chainsaw).