Singin' in the Rain

[SwngDncr]

I couldn't think of much for titles and that song was running through my head...so yeah..plus it goes well with a saying that I agree with: "Those who think sunshine is happiness have never danced in the rain".....too true, too true. (I've done it and then scared the bejeezus out of someone afterwards cause she had never seen me so giddy before)

Blah....I should be going to bed but I've got lots of random thoughts running through my head. Like freaking out over my finals coming up, and hoping I have everything ready for summer at Philmont and autumn term in Cork. I'm mostly afraid that I won't end up turning in some important form or some such. Meh...I guess even with all the running thoughts, I am tired...so bed time now.

[SwngDncr]

Who would think that I would actually want to go to work? But I do because it saves me from trying to figure whether I should work on my "Bonhoeffer Journals" for class, or start packing stuff to get out of my room and go home. Plus, of the last several times I've been there I've managed to see some species of birds that I'd never seen before, including the Brown Thrasher and White Crowned Sparrow. And if there is nothing to do for me, which is often the case, perhaps I can just spend my time wandering throughout the arboretum instead. That could be very nice.

Unbelievable...two days left of class, 3 finals....and then I head to New Mexico for my job at Philmont. Kinda scary that between now and winter break, I won't be home for more than 2 weeks altogether...about 6 total days before Philmont, and then about a week or so before I leave for Ireland.

[SwngDncr]

Yay! I'm happy to know that I'll be getting good grades for at least two of my classes...just got back the score for a paper that was worth 40% of my grade and I did well on that. Now I just hope I can pull off this crappin Bonhoeffer stuff for my religion class..that's about the only grade at all that is worrying me. Idiot prof who doesn't teach well. Bleh...well, back to studying, paper writing and packing

[SwngDncr]

I can't keep my attention on the bloody stupid "bonhoeffer journal". Why did I have to get stuck with a moron for a prof? I've been unusually lucky up to this point in most of my classes. Guess it all came to bite me in the butt with this one. Grrr. I want it to be Thursday...then there is swing night and I can be stress free, if only for a few hours. Ah..the power of swing

[SwngDncr]

Time to really get to packing, and studying. I've succeeded in packing up a few things...but the room is still an absolute, absolute mess! I'm not looking forward to tomorrow's exam, since that professor never gives us the slightest idea of what the heck we should study. Nonetheless I think I can pull off a decent grade in that class, even if its not as high as I would like. Saturday's exam should be a piece of cake. And I got lucky this year with no early morning finals. One friend of mine has 4 exams, 3 of which are at 8am. Anywho, suppose I should stop with this procrastination and get back to packing :p That would be the smartest thing, I suppose.

[SwngDncr]

I finally get to write in here again. I can't believe that summer is basically over. Within a couple days I will be home where there is electricity, toilets that flush, showers without big scary spiders, sleeping in a normal bed with sheets (instead of a sleeping bag) and face up to the fact that I will have to shower more than just once every 5 or 6 days, and shave my legs once in a while.
Oh, and now I have to watch my behavior again. When working out in the middle of the mountains with considerably more guys than girls, its generally considered acceptable to belch, fart, curse, etc. For that matter, any time I did those things I was generally applauded. Quite a change from back home where my mom gives me an evil glare, and almost anyone other than my friends will give me funny looks.
Ah me...I really don't want to leave here. The scenery is amazing. I've learned a lot of new things about the environment, just by being out in it and I've learned a lot about myself while leading a team-building/challenge course for Scouts. My friend taught me more astronomy in one hour than I've figured out on my own throughout the course of my 20 years. I went from only being able to identify the Big Dipper (and Orion in the winter) to now being able to pick out the "summer triangle" of bright stars: Vega, Altair and Deneb, I can see Leo, Sagittarius, Casseopiea and a few others whose names I can not remember.
I really do not want to leave Philmont. Its a place where the mountains and wildlife are up-close and personal, and I can see the shooting stars almost every night. I can't do that at home. The lights are too bright for more of the stars and the primary "wildlife" consists of rabbits, squirrels and people's pets. I've spent my whole summer seeing wild turkey, and mule deer....and hearing all sorts of stories of the mountain lions and bears.
I originally told myself, my parents and everyone else that I was going to have to be satisfied with only one summer out here, but that's not going to happen now. I don't care how freakishly hard I have to work for the next two years to save up money...I AM getting back out here....maybe not next summer, but following my college graduation...I'm doing it. Maybe I can't afford to, monetarily speaking. But I also can't afford not to, in the terms of my own personal growth, and perhaps in my very sanity. I feel more at home here than I do at my own home (or at my college which is very much my home away from home). This place holds something for me that I can't explain. But let it be known that last night, my very last night here, I found myself in tears when I would come upon reminders that I was leaving. Maybe I don't have the money to afford to work here, but this place has me hooked and I am coming back. I'd be willing to take on a teaching job (something I really haven't wanted to do), just so I could come out here every summer for the rest of my life.
Its a good place for me. I get to be someplace where so many hundreds of people have at least one similar interest as me. I've made so many new friends from all over the country (and even one from Iceland). And I've grown. I'm a lot more confident in myself, particularly in my performing abilities. I went from a point where anytime I performed in front of others on my tin whistle, I'd turn beet red, pit-out (sweat like crazy), and end up shaking by the time I was done. And I never, ever would have sang in front of others without a radio or cd playing at the same time. And yet now I have done it every single night for the entire summer without any real problem. I really can't believe that.

Hmmm.....can anybody tell that this place affects me? I think I've written more in this single entry than all my other journal entries combined.

I WANT TO GO BACK TO PHILMONT!!!

[SwngDncr]

yikes.....I leave for Ireland in less than 12 hours. I've never gone through an airport on my own before...now I have to. And I'll be totally on my own for the first time in my life. I was mostly on my own at Philmont, and generally at college I have been..but in both those situations, most of those people around me were facing the same thing so I had people to go to.Well....I don't feel like writing more right now.

[SwngDncr]

Well, I survived the airports and the trip and made it to Cork City in one piece....but without any of my luggage :'( It somehow all got left behind in London since I had a long layover. But they're supposed to be delivered today, so I guess the only suffering I have to deal with is the fact that I'm wearing my clothing for another day, and that the pants look like pajamas. I'm in a good mood nonetheless...my apartment is amazing. I love it! And I just checked out the UCC campus and that seems pretty cool as well. Hmm...not much else to say other than that I almost got myself lost on my way back from the campus...I would have figured things out soon enough, but still. I'm here now!!